MacBeth, Act V, Scene v, ln 19-28

After all is said and done, was it worth it?

All the hard work, pain, sweat, success and failure; but all will be for nothing. No one remembers what you did, how much you made, who you loved. No one remembers your name, where you were born, where you lived.

To be told you are not good enough, a disappointment, who you are is the reason you can't get hired or be loved.

As MacBeth said,

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing."

We live to put on a show for others. We struggle to find ourselves, our reason to live and the meaning of life. But in the end, the effort we put in are forgotten. Those who tells the story with such conviction are ones who has never lived the life of lonliness, sadness, discrimination and unwantedness.

There are those that argue, life is worth living. There are friends and family who will miss you. And yet, when you look back, who was there for you when you needed someone? To have people you grew up with, who you thought were your friends, forget you like you never existed. To be in a group and realize you do not belong. To be in a group and you don't fit in. To be in a group and be left out. And to be in a group and know you shouldn't be here.

You do what you can to feel accepted. You keep changing who you are for others. You keep reinventing yourself and hope someday, someone will accept you. But that day never comes. We are nothing.

The look I see in your eyes tells all. You don't want me there. You don't want me anywhere. There is such cold and hate in your eyes. Yes, I can see it. Sometimes the silence speaks louder then words. You were given many opportunity. Yet, I hear nothing.

I shouldn't feel happy when you suffer. But it brings me such joy. Your pain and anger brings me such happiness. You suffer, I smile. The more your hurt, the more I feel lifted.

Welcome to the darkness where the true meaning of life lies. There is no escape. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Don't run away from it. It is who you are.

It doesn't matter what you do, death is our end. It is the answer. You cannot run away from it. The inevitable end. No use in fighting it.

I want to believe "it gets better" but it doesn't.